Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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