WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize