so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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