meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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