he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
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I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
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You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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