She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize