The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
