I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
