I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
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I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
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These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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