I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
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It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
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Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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