New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
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