At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
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Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
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ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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