My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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