well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize