so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Who died my cat blue again?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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