Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize