well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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