she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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