I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
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I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
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Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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