There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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