My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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