She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize