I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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