So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
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I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
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Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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