He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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