PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize