the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
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I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
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You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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