if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
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