Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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