I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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