i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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