This girl is more easily done than said...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
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you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
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I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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