Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize