You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
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I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
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Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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