I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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