Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
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You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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