that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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