did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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