Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Come on in and take your pants off
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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