I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
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Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
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My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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