Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
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well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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