he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize