the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize