If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
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The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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