i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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