Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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