how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize