New invention idea: vibrating tampons
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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