she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize