In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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