Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
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When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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